Lately, I been having major “mid life crisis” because I dont know what i want to do with my life. Im 18, does it really matter right now? Right now I am doing what I want to do.
At the begining of the summer, i got a job interview with Artona photo studio, and a few weeks after the interview I got the job. I was so excited. It was something I love to do, Photography, and something I was good at and hey, I am getting paid at the same time.
Today was my first day of work. I have training all day. I was honestly nevous. I am a total noob at this. I am working with the number one photography company in vancouver, the number one photography company in western canada, the number one photography company in canada. I think maybe i should be nervous. On top of that, after introductions, i relize I am the youngest person in the room. What made me even more nervous. After I got over being nervous and being way over welmed by everyone in the room i thought to my self. I can do this.
I think this is going to be a very good experiance for me. Im working with a photographer that spent a year in Paris and Milan taking photos for the fashion industry, a photographer that just had surgery because she was taking underwater photography and got bit by a eel, a photographer that is also a graphic designer who does album covers and than there is me. Am i ready for this, i think so!
Than i think, maybe my Nana is right. She said "forget about law school, you are going to be taking pictures your whole life" because its what I love to do.
Why do people walking down the street give you dirty looks? I have never talked to you in my life, nor will I probably ever. You don’t know me and I don’t know you. So why give the dirty look, or the up and down dirty look. Really. Why?
"Peace. it does not mean to be in a place where there is no trouble, noise, or hard work. it means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart." — Lady Gaga
"You have to be unique, and diffrent, and shine in your own way." Lady Gaga"
"… I want the deepest, darkest, sickest parts of you that you are afraid to share with anyone because I love you that much." — Lady Gaga
"Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you’re wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn’t love you anymore." — Lady Gaga
“I’m a free bitch baby” — Lady Gaga "Love is like a brick. You can build a house, or you can sink a dead body." — Lady Gaga "Don’t you ever let a soul in the world tell you that you can’t be exactly who you are." — Lady Gaga
My last two days here. Gotta make them count. And i sure have. People are asking me am i excited to go home. and you give them what they want to hear, Yes! but really i’m not. I don’t want to go home. People ask me why I like it here so much. This is home. This is where my family came from. This is where my family is. Although my family drives me insaine. I love them. I know tomorrow i will probably ball my eyes out as i say good bye. But i will be back. Trust me, I want to be back as soon as i possibly can.
I clicked on the top 25 most played on my itunes and its pretty interesting i think what came up. Songs that i know all the words too. Songs that have alot of meaning to them. Songs that are very addicting.
1. Almost lover - A Fine Frenzy
2. Fame- Lady Gaga
3. Gravity- Sara Bareilles
4. Falling Slowly- Glen Hansard
5. 1,2,3,4- Plain White T’s
6. Brave New world- Hedley
7. Crash- Dave Matthews Band
8. Rain Delays- Crash Parallel
9. Old School- Hedley
10. let it be- Carol woods
11. Nicest thing- Kate Nash
12. Happiness- the Fray
13. I want to hold your hand- T.V Carpio
14. Save him- Justin Nozuka
15. Happy Ending- Mila
16. Beautiful Disaster- Jon McLaughliun
17. When I grow up- The pussycat Dolls
18. Meet me at the Roxy- Divine Brown
19. The rose- Bette Midler
20. Fair Fight- the fray
21. Hometown Glory- Adele
22. I gotta feeling- BEP
23. Womanizer- Britney Spears
24. Keeps Getting Better- Xtina Aguilera
25. Use Somebody- Kings of Leon
its funny, cause most of these songs where from the last summer i was here all summer long. I had a select few i listen to, over and over.
I left school, the morning after dry grad to come fly to a small town that my family is from called sharbot lake, what just seemed like yesterday. Its amazing how fast the summer has gone by. Its amazing the ups and downs of this summer and its amazing the lessons i have learned.
I came here, to run away. I didn’t have a job at home, I broke up with my first love, High school was over. I didn’t know where to go or what to do so i ran away. And amazingly enough i ran to a good place. I came here thinking I would just be helping my grandma with things around the house and her office and helping my dad work at our cottages, but you know, things change. Day two. I got a call from our close family friends who just bought the local ten room hotel, pub and resturant, at 8 am in the morning, the night after Canada day. ” Do you want to work this summer?….be here at 9” so off i went to work. I been working everyday a few hours here and there. Some longer than others, but hey, it might not be a full time job, but I’m making some sort of money.
I have had some good times with family. I have become my grandpa’s best friends. Typing all his articals he has been working on. I have helped my nana organize all her random piles of crap…yes crap. I hang out with my father at golf town (my LEAST favorite place on earth next to home depot) and help him build a garbage bin at the cottage. Went atv-ing with my cousins in the middle of the night, no big deal. Hanging out at the beach for no reason other than, because thats the only place to go in this town.
Another thing that has been great about this summer is that I reconnected with you. Almost like we forgot the passed and moved on like nothing ever happend. Sure we talked about what happend, but I forgave and forgot. We have had many good times seeing you everyday, talking to you non- stop. I know i am going to miss it…a lot. You have also made some pretty hefty promises with me. And i am willing to risk a lot and hope that those promises never remain broken. I am going to make the last 7 days i have with you count. untill i get to see you again.I am going to miss you so much.
But as people say, good tings come to a end. I may be counting down the days for good and bad. 7 days till i have to leave, but that’s just 7 days till i get to go back home.
I missed you. my best friend. kinda crazy how i barely have talked to you this week because it would be super long distance to call. But thats not a problem I will probably get a call from you tonight. I will be home in 7 days and try to get two months of craziness into two weeks with you.
I haven’t posted anything in a long time, I just really haven’t had much to say. But someting interesting has come up. A few things actually
My dad has found this “anti- energy” drink. the passed year i have been so for energy drinks because i was always running low on energy. But dad gave me this drink called slow cow. And well, it looks like a red bull and all the other energy drinks out there, but it actually is a stress reducer that could eventually give you energy.
I am pretty messed for school. I really dont want to be in school forever and i know i am going to have to work my ass off, and i am prepared to do that. but it has frusterated me a huge amount about the fact i bombed the english exam and now i am down a class because i got dropped from english at langara. It really made me feel stupid and dumb and Not smart. So really, what im gonna have to do is wait till classes open up again and pick up another course and take something else. It also frusterates me that i honestly dont know what i want to do with my life. I want to go to law school, but is that realistic for me? Maybe I truley am a arts person. Maybe i will be a photographer my whole life. Who knows? Im only 18.
Its been a roller coaster of a summer. and its almost done. whats next? another rolller coaster of a year?
My last few days. I gotta make the count. And i know the passed few days have been great. I honestly dont have much to say. Really, im not very exciting. i been working and hanging out. Tonight i’m thinking about camping out on the back porch with my cousins B and Liam. And tomorrow Im working and hanging out with my mommies side of the fam jam.
ONe thing that I picked up being sharbot lake all summer is I say weird things. Not the normal red neck type things to say.
I ahve started to say:
i have learned what certain things mean as well, but i really dont need to go there.
Can everyone just stop assuming. Please. I’m begging you. There are many sides to a story. Not just one. Not two. There are outside views and peoples views who are involved with it. But how about if everyone keeps those stories to themselves until shit is sorted out.
This isn’t just about what everyone probably thinks its about. There is a hella lot going on. And everyone is assuming. Parents assuming my feelings. Asking me a thousand questions. Saying I don’t care because i don’t ask questions. Well i do care. I do care alot, and people that know i care, do come to me because they know, i care and will listen and be there for you.
And so much has happened in my family and in my life in the passed 2 months i can’t be there for everyone! i can’t care about everyone, I think i need to make it thru the day before i can care about something that isn’t involved directly with myself.
There is no “nice person” or “bad person” we are all nice or bad people. We have all done shitty things to eachother. We have all been there for each other and have had good, nice times. we have all back stabbed we have all picked each other up. So deal with it. No one is 100% nice and no one is 100% bad.
If you really want to know why i am CIVIL with it. Because either way its gonna happen. People move on, people change. Things change, situations, feelings, Everything changes. And the best part is about change. Is that you have to accept that change. it might take you longer to accept it. but eventually you are gonna forget why you are mad. Forget what happened.
I know for me. I don’t talk about my feelings. And i don’t do that because i don’t need people worrying about me. Yeah it may stress me out until i crack but I don’t even understand my own feelings so why should i tell you. I dont need people to feel sorry for me.
Inside of everyone there is some sort of strength.
No one needs sympathy, only Emptathy. fuck pity parties. we all need to face facts. that the people in life tend to be bull shit. that everyone has the potential to betray someone. they also have the potential to be loyal. everyones worth something to someone. There is always time for a good time. Cause well, life is too short.