It’s built up anger and tears that they’ve been holding in for so long. They try to put a smile on their face everyday so that no one will see the hurt underneath. Sometimes, the girls that seem the happiest are the one’s breaking down inside.
“Everybody has a secret world inside of them. All of the people of the world, I mean everybody. No matter how dull and boring they are on the outside, inside them they’ve all got unimaginable, magnificent, wonderful, stupid, amazing worlds. Not just one world. Hundreds of them. Thousands maybe.”—Neil Gaiman
I have a new thing, in stead of crying when im stressed out, im turning to food. People ask me, how do you never get stressed out. I do, i just dont freak out about it anymore, i eat. Might call me a Glutton, but really, I dont eat much when Im not stressed out anymore. And its not that Im fat, I have lost a significant amount of weight since graduation. After I eat, i spit out a kick ass paragraph for my research paper, but than i loose it and have to go back to eating. What is this? Maybe i should find another way of copping with writing so many research papers that are due on the same day. Or maybe this will work for me and i just going to have to deal with it.
I am really sick of people I have just met comparing themselves to me. I have only known you since september, but you compare everything about yourself to me. From everything from the way you take notes, to my notes, to how I study compared to you, ALL THE WAY to where i buy my make up and clothes from where you do.
You know, i may be prettier than you, (not meaning this in a bitchy way) and i May get better grades than you, and I MAY make more money than you. But that doesn’t mean you are ugly, that you can’t try to get good grades by asking for help (I am willing to help you) and really Money doesn’t matter. I dont care how much money you make, or if you pretty or ugly, its what inside that counts, and I never judged you based on your looks.
Another thing you compare yourself to me is boys, you think i have the boy of my dreams, but its anything but the perfect fairy tale story.
I have only known you for 3 months, and this is something not even someone i known for ever should ever do. We are all different and accept that. I like you as a friend and i dont need you to compare myself to you, you comparing yourself this much to me is going to send me away and avoid you. So please please stop.
The seccond guessing my self, the I need answers now. School, Live, work, everything is getting in the way. there is not enough time in the day to deal with it all. But its all sinking in now. How am I going to deal with all of this and come out alive. How can I?
I need answers, I need to get stuff done. But how can i get stuff done if my mind wont stop. Losing sleep, waking up in the morning exsausted because of nightmares of all this stuff that is happening.
I am trying to turn it into good so it wont affect me. But sitting in class I cannot pay attention. Its hard to breathe, there is a pit in my stumach Like i am constantly being punched in the gut.
you want to be friends, but i dont know how to be your friend. We where never friends, we where just a couple. You where one of my best friends. And now what, its gone. I honestly dont know how to be your friend. You say we can be friends. But Its hard, really hard. We both hurt each other, I must admit you hurt me and I hurt you, thats for sure, and how do we forgive each other? If we are going to be friends, I can’t do it alone. Its not like I can go to you for anything, its not like i can give you hugs. That just puts everyone in a awkward situation. And maybe that awkward feeling is always going to be there because there is always going to be a little bit of tention between us. Maybe we can let go of our issues, but we will never forget the past. I know you will always be apart of me, and i will always be apart of you. But maybe if we do work together, we can figure it out. Maybe we should stop talking about what did happen because that is never going to change, that is always going to be with us and maybe start talking bout how we can be friends, if its possible. I dont know. We will have to see i guess.